One More Day
by chinocoop81
Summary: Ryan is twenty six and alone this holiday season. Marissa's dead and he just can't find a girl to replace her. What if he was given one more day with her though? It is Chrismukkah after all, anything can happen right? Please read...RM


**A/N So I've been writing this…that's why I haven't written for Lollypops and Letters. I'm sorry. The idea of this came from the song, One More Day by Diamond Rio. I don't really like it, but hopefully you will when you read it. So R/R and enjoy.**

I've done okay without her I guess. I have a good job and a really nice house after getting a pretty good education. I have dinner with the Cohens on Tuesdays and lunch with them on Sundays. I go out with Seth and Summer to the Bait Shop where sometimes we meet up with Taylor who came back from France about two months ago. I like to stay home on Saturdays and just sleep and on Sundays I run errands. Monday nights are bowling days with everyone and on Wednesday I just relax and watch some TV. Thursday is my day to get ready for Friday and on Friday nights I usually either have a date, or just stay home and read. I'm not extraordinary and my schedule definitely isn't, but I take pride in the fact that I can live without her. My life isn't the best, but it's decent, and I guess that's all I can really ask for right?

I date, yeah, sure, but no one seems like the one. I want to be able to start a family with the woman that I love, or that I will love someday, but I just haven't met her yet. No, let me rephrase that…I haven't met another one. Because she's gone now and since her, there's really no one that I can imagine spending my life with. I have fun with some girls, but it never lasts more than two weeks. Taylor was my last real relationship and that wasn't even a really long time. I haven't been in love in a long time, but I've learned to deal with it. I work hard and earn money, and I'm satisfied for now with that. I'm only twenty six, I still have time to choose who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Right now I'm not worried about it.

There are some days though that I get sad and feel lonely. It usually happens when I see a sunset, or maybe on a rainy night. I'll just stare at the vibrant colors that mix together in the sky and remember the time when we watched one together, me holding her in my arms, both so content and peaceful. Or on a rainy day I remember when she came to me and lifted her umbrella over my head. I remember how my clothes were soaked and the rain was still pouring down, but she stood there with me when she could've left. She didn't say anything either, knowing I didn't need words. I remember when I received her letter that she sent to me the day she was supposed to leave, the day she died, and I will away that pain that shoots in my heart, that ache that happens when I remember her. I'm no longer dwelling on what could have been, no longer angry that she died. I've accepted it…but you can ask anyone who's lost someone; when you truly love someone, it will always hurt deep inside of you. You'll always hear their voice in the wind and you'll always see them every once in a while when you sleep. They'll continue coming back, haunting you, but it's not a bad feeling. I love it when I remember her.

There are always days though that I really do ask the 'what if' questions. What if I had pulled over? What if I had never broken up with her? What if Trey had never attacked her? What if I hadn't gone to Miami. I always tell myself that what happened was inevitable, however sad that may sound. I always say that there was nothing I could do to save her, but we all have to wonder if things could've been different. Would I have stopped her at the airport? Would she have come back from Greece, or decide to stay with her dad? Would she come back to college and be with me, and if so, would we become friends or would things just be too awkward? And if we did become friends, would we have become more? Would we be married by now? Would we be expecting a child or already have one? And even though I tell myself not to answer my questions that nag me, I always do. Yes, we would be married. Yes, we'd start a family. Yes, we'd still be so deeply in love that we would still feel like teenagers.

Those questions only come every once in a while though. I still visit her grave once a month. Julie and I are the only ones that really come anymore. Summer used to come all the time, but then things changed and she started to spend more time with Taylor and Seth. She had a new best friend, why worry so much about the old one? Even though I was over being sad about Marissa's death, I still felt that I should pay her a visit. I knew that if I had died, I'd want some company every once in a while too. So I made it a tradition, the first Sunday of every month I would get up early and go visit her. It was the least I could do.

Today I decided was different. It was a Monday, and it was certainly not the beginning of the month. It was Christmas Eve though and I knew that this year Julie was busy getting ready for the next day and preparing herself to deal with Kaitlin's boyfriend, Chuck. So I made sure that I got up early so that I could get everything done at work (I worked Christmas Eves…) and then drove to the cemetery. It was cool outside, not exactly cold, but cool enough for me to wear my leather jacket (the one I used to wear when I was younger. I haven't outgrown it surprisingly). I park my car on the side of one of the roads that twist through the cemetery, then turned it off and sighed, looking out at all the different stones and plots. After brooding for a couple of minutes, I got out of my car and shut it softly behind me. I walk towards her grave and when I arrive I say, "Merry Christmas Eve."

I lay down and look up at the sky on the grass beside her plot and say, "Your mom couldn't make it today, Kaitlin and her boyfriend are coming over for Christmas with the Cohens and you know how they can be. I don't blame her for taking all this time to prepare herself for it," I laugh slightly and say, "It should be interesting tomorrow." I notice that the sun is setting and I sigh softly. "Remember the sunsets?" I ask after a while, wondering if she could hear me. "Do you remember the way we would just lay together and watch them? You would just lay there in my arms and I'd hold you tight against me because I always feared that you'd just disappear, that you'd leave. I would breathe in the smell of your shampoo and you would play with my hands, tracing the lines on our hands. One time you looked at me and you said, 'our hands…they had to have been made for each other.' And I looked at you and said, 'we had to have been made for each other.' I meant it." I swallow the lump that's forming in my throat and say, "We were made for each other."

I stand up when the sun sets and say, "I'm sorry to leave so quickly…but you know that he cemetery scares me at night." I bend down and kiss her headstone and say, "I love you…Merry Christmas." Then I walk away, and that's that. All the feelings that get evoked in me, the feelings of love, I push away. She's gone now, so why try to feel something that can never happen?

I go to a store after that and buy some eggnog for tomorrow. I know I'll never finish it, but I always love to buy it anyways. As I'm walking out, I see one of those fountains outside, the ones where you're supposed to throw your coins in and your wish will be granted. I never believed in them, but it's always fun to hope right? I search through my pockets and find a quarter as I walk towards it. I close my eyes and whisper, "Bring her back to me." Then, I toss it into the fountain over my shoulder. I turn and watch the quarter sink to the bottom and laugh at myself. I feel a shiver go through my body and look around, wondering what it could've been. Then I remember that it's December and I laugh at myself again. I was being so stupid today.

I go to my house and just kind of hang out there for the rest of the night. The Cohens had wanted me to go spend Christmas Eve with them but I wasn't in the mood to do that right now. I wasn't sad, just in a brooding mood. I usually am when I come back from Marissa's grave. I end up going to sleep early, around nine o'clock instead of eleven thirty like I usually do. I figured that I minus well be well rested for the next day. Between entertaining Seth and opening gifts, I was bound to get exhausted. If only I knew that Christmas would be different this year, that a miracle would happen. If only I knew what was going to happen, what was already happening while I was rested.

But I didn't, and I fell asleep, thinking that tomorrow would be just another ordinary Christmas.

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I awoke the next morning to the two things; the sound of things hitting together and the smell of smoke. I got up quickly and looked at the clock by my bed; three in the morning. I sighed and reached for the baseball bat I kept near my door and walked downstairs, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I heard the sounds coming from the kitchen and walked cautiously to it. "Who's there?" I call out when I arrive. I see the light is on and then see something, or someone, that I never thought I'd see again. "Marissa?" I asked, believing that I was still dreaming.

She looked up when she saw me and averted her eyes to the baseball bat. "What were you going to do, beat me to death?" She asked with a slight giggle. "They say violence is wrong."

"Well I thought you were an intruder…which you kind of are," I say, still confused. "How is this even possible…for you to be here. Am I dreaming?"

She shakes her head and says, "If you were dreaming, I'd be either one of two things; dead, or dying. It's the only dreams you ever have of me anymore." She looks at me sadly and then looks down at the mess she's created. I hadn't noticed it there before and I take it all in. It looks like a tornado swept through my kitchen. She notices what I'm looking at and gives a small laugh before saying, "Who knew pancakes were so hard to make?"

I roll my eyes and chuckle. "You never were a great cook," I say softly. I pause for a moment. "If I'm not dreaming…how are you here?" I ask, still confused. Surely my mind is playing tricks on me.

She takes a step back from the mess and walks towards me. She looks into my eyes and I feel like I'm sixteen again, seeing her for the first time. I look into those eyes of hers and feel like it's that night again and I take a step back from her when she nears me. This is impossible, it's as simple as that. "Does this sound familiar… 'Bring her back to me?' She asks, her voice almost a whisper. She looks into my eyes and I feel emotions that I haven't felt in a long time start to be evoked.

"It was a fountain…a wish. Those things never come true," I say, looking into her eyes…those eyes that I can get lost in. "They can't come true, it never has before."

She shrugs and says, "It's Chrismukkah…stranger things have happened." She went to the refrigerator and pulled out the eggnog that I had picked up yesterday and while she poured herself a glass said, "So you made your wish and I watched and was just so depressed that I couldn't spend yet another holiday with my family, so I went and talked to Johnny about it. He told me to go complain, so I did. God didn't really feel like talking at the moment so I had to go try to find Jesus. Jesus was in a meeting with someone so I had to go find Santa Claus. Nick was really understanding and found Moses who then consulted with Jesus when he got of the meeting. Jesus and Moses both thought it was a good idea and went to talk to God. He wasn't very happy about it…but then Jesus and Moses kept arguing in our favor. God finally decided to have a survey and they made a whole big deal out of it. Elvis played a concert singing, 'Blue Christmas' and that really earned us some votes. Finally, because of Jeff Buckley we won and God said I could come back to earth."

Her story was very hard to believe, but then again, she was right in front of me alive so I couldn't really start questioning things now. All that really mattered at that moment was that she was here and alive and well, not how she got here. So what if there was a Santa Claus after all? Marissa was here with me! "So you're back?" I ask, looking at her intently.

Her smile that had been there for the past couple of minutes faded and in its place was a sorrow that I haven't seen in a while. She looks down and softly shakes her head. "Well that's the only thing…" She looks up at me, her sadness radiating to my body, and says, "This kind of thing doesn't happen a whole lot…it's only happened a few times before…" She sighs and takes in a deep breath, then continues by saying, "The only way for it to work is if I come here, do my job, and then leave. I only get a day…we only get a day." She shrugs and says, "God's orders."

I sigh and look down. I feel her gaze on me and feel her take a step towards me. I take a step back, look up, and cross my arms over my chest. She looks hurt, but she doesn't say anything. I want to tell her that I wish I could kiss her right now…that I wish I could take her in my arms and hold her like I've been wanting to. But instead, even though I want all those things, I can't have them. Because I know that if I hold her or hug her or kiss her today…tomorrow will come and I'll miss her as much as I did all those years ago. I know that if I lose her again, I'll never be the same. So instead of declarations of love, I instead ask, "So when do you leave?"

She shrugs and says, "Well, really that's up to you. When you fall asleep tonight…or tomorrow morning, I'm going to go. God doesn't want you to be able to see me leave…that's our secret." She watches me for a reaction but I don't know what she expects. "I got here early and I didn't want to waste any time so I decided to attempt to make some breakfast…and here we are." She continues to watch me and I continue to not say anything. After a couple of minutes she says, "Ryan…please, say something…"

I'm quiet for a few seconds, then I turn and say, "We should try watching some TV." I start walking out of the room and hear her sigh and mumble something to herself and then follow after me. It's not that I don't want to spend time with her…I really do. This is like the most amazing thing that's ever happened in my life, but I just can't enjoy it yet. When we get to the couch, I sit down and she sits next to me. There are a few feet separating us, me being on the end. I turn to Marissa who is watching me curiously and say, "You haven't seen TV in a while…I figured you could use some catching up," she smiles and laughs slightly. I don't think I've ever heard a more beautiful sound. I gulp and turn to the TV.

"So what are we going to watch?" She asks, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them. She glances over at me.

"Um…nothing's on right now considering the hour so I suppose we could probably watch a DVD…" I get up and go through all my different DVDs until I find something she'll probably like. "Here….this is right up in your alley…"

I hand her the Gossip Girl season one box set and she looks at me, raising her eyebrows. "When and why did you get this?" She asks, looking like she's about to erupt into a fit of giggles.

"Well…when it first came out in 2007, Taylor loved it. She bought if for me so we could watch it together in 2008. We had gotten back together…" I look at her and see that this isn't shocking her or surprising her at all and realize that she probably already knew about mine and Taylor's relationship. "but you probably knew that. Anyways, so we broke up again and I still have it now." I look at her and shrug. "You never know when you might need it."

She nods and says, "Well, here's a time when you need it." She smiles at me softly, and I can see an intensity in her eyes…one that I haven't seen in a very long time.

"Let's watch it then.." I say, turning it on. We watch it for a couple of hours, me laughing at the drama and Marissa getting absorbed in the show. She gets so absorbed that I get to watch her, which I find myself enjoying a whole lot more than the actual show. I want so badly to reach out and feel her hair, see if it's as soft as I remember it being. I want to kiss those amazing lips and see if she still tastes the same way. I want to look into her eyes and have a conversation with her without using words, just like we always used to. After a while, Marissa must have noticed that I was no longer laughing because she turned and looked at me. Our eyes connected, blue on blue. I stared into her eyes and remembered the last time I saw her, how her eyes had started to lose their glow that they have now. "I forgot how amazing your eyes are…" I murmur, the walls around me beginning to break down.

She seems to see that this is her opportunity, so she scoots a little closer to me. "Ryan…" She says, taking one of my hands into her own, rubbing the skin on it softly and gently. "I.." she whispers, leaning in closer to me. How long has it been since my heart beat this fast?

Just then, the phone rings. Shocked, I stand up quickly, realizing what I almost did. I can feel the walls crawl back up, the fear resurface. What had I just been doing? Kissing Marissa…that was crazy. She was leaving tomorrow…forever. I run a hand through my hair and silently kick myself for being so stupid. "I should answer that," I say, going for the phone. I look at the clock and see it's already nine something. I answer the phone and say, "Hello?"

"Hey man…when are you coming over?" Seth asks me.

I sigh and look towards Marissa and say, "Um…soon." I see Marissa's started to watch Gossip Girl again and I say, "Uh…Seth?"

"Yeah buddy?" Seth asks.

"I'm going to bring someone…that's okay right?" I already know it is though.

"Yeah…who are you bringing?" He asks curiously.

"You'll have to see for yourself….if I told you, you'd think I was crazy," I say with a slight chuckle.

"Well…I'll be expecting you," Seth says. We talk for a few more minutes then we both hang up.

I turn to Marissa and say, "So that was Seth…everyone's gathered at the Cohen house…" I see her jump off the couch and I laugh.

"Come on, we have no time to waste….go get ready!" She says, and I not I'm still in my pajamas.

"I'll be down in twenty minutes," I say and then run upstairs. I quickly shower, get dressed, and get ready. I come back down and I see her just sitting on the couch, staring off into space. I get her and we go to the Cohens in silence. When we arrive, Marissa is out of the car and at the front door before me. "Excited much?" I ask her.

"Yeah…I haven't seen all these people…well, haven't talked to them…in years!" She says, and we walk inside.

"We're here!" I call out, and everyone rushes towards us.

"So who's this mystery date…" Seth starts to ask, but then sees Marissa and stops in his tracks. He stares at her for a few seconds and then asks, "What'd you do…go dig her up?"

"Dig who up?" Summer asks, walking in at that moment. She sees Marissa and stops cold in her tracks. She seems to gulp and then asks, "Coop? Is that really you?"

Marissa nods and says, "Yeah…I'm back…"

"For the day," I correct, looking at her.

She turns and looks at me, giving me a weird look, and then says, "Yeah…for the day."

"How is that even possible?" Summer asks, not taking a step towards Marissa.

"How's what possible?" Sandy asks, walking into the room with Kirsten, Julie, Kaitlin, and Chuck in tow. They all stop when they see Marissa.

Marissa sighs and tells them the story, the same one that she told me earlier this morning. When she's done, she looks over at me for support and I give her a reassuring nod. I can tell she wanted me to give her more…but I just can't. Not now. She nods and I give her a small smile. Seth is the first to speak. "So we really had Jesus and Moses on our side huh?" He turns towards everyone and says, "Told you!" Everyone laughs and just like that, Marissa was accepted once again. Like me, no one wanted to question this miracle.

The day wore on and we all just talked. Some of us exchanged gifts, but it wasn't too many. Marissa stayed close to my side all day and I could tell that she wanted me to take her hand or something. She'd sometimes look at me for a really long time while I would talk to someone else and I'd feel her stare on me and turn and look at her. Our eyes would connect and the same feelings were always there. It was getting harder and harder to deny them. Marissa conversed with everyone, and everyone wanted to talk to her. I don't know how she did it without getting tired. She received so much attention that day, more than I could ever take.

Finally, at about four that afternoon, Seth and Summer sadly announced they had to leave. The goodbyes started then, something we've all been needing. Seth went first. He looked at Marissa and said, "We were never really close friends…but I still care for you. Be careful up there and tell the big guy I said hi." He gave Marissa a hug and tears came into her eyes.

"Seth…I've watched you guys over the years and no matter how depressed I am up there…you can always make me laugh. Thank you," She says when they pull back. He nods, clearly uncomfortable, and steps back.

Summer comes in next, and she's already crying. "Coop…you were my friend. Seeing you again has been great. I didn't get to say goodbye once…" She looks down and Marissa sheds a tear. "…but this time I want you to know that you will always be important to me. When you died, I couldn't live the way I used to at first. I used to think that if I was busy with something meaningful all the time, you'd be proud." Summer shrugs and gives a small laugh. "You must've thought I was stupid huh?"

Marissa shakes her head and says, "No Sum…I understood." She hugs Summer and looks at me while she says her next words. I feel like they're aimed at me, maybe they are. "You made me proud…you still do." She tears her gaze from mind and they pull apart. Summer walks to Seth and cries and Marissa turns to Kaitlin and her mom. She looks at Kaitlin first and says, "You were my little sister. I always thought that I'd be a great role model…but I got involved with bad things and it ended up costing me my life. I'm glad you picked yourself up." Kaitlin didn't say anything, just nodded and Marissa turned to Chuck. "And you…just a hint…my sister's gonna love it. You don't have to worry. " Chuck looks at her confusedly, not understanding what's going on. No one understood her at that point.

"Thanks…you were a great sister," Kaitlin finally said after a while. We all knew that she meant it.

Julie was next. She walked up to Marissa and enveloped her oldest daughter into a large hug. They both cried while they rocked back and forth. I don't think that I've ever seen Marissa love her mom that much. "You were my oldest…" Julie cried, hugging her daughter tightly. "Maybe if I had been more strict…if I hadn't been such a bad mom…."

"Mom," Marissa said, pulling back, looking into Julie's eyes. "You were good…you did good. The guys up there…" she pointed upwards, "They think I turned out pretty good. It's not your fault…it's not anyone's fault." They continued to hug for at least five more minutes, and then Julie pulled back and took a step back, allowing Sandy and Kirsten to come say their sad goodbyes.

"You were like a second daughter to us," Kirsten said, tears in her eyes.

Sandy nodded and said, "And you really knew how to pick good bagels…" Everyone laughed, including Marissa.

"Losing you….it was like losing one of our own," Kirsten said, looking at Marissa sadly.

"You guys were like my second parents.." Marissa said sadly, looking down. "I always wanted to be a part of this family…but I never really got the chance." She didn't dare look at me because we both know what that meant. She'd always wanted to get married.

"You were though," Sandy said, his voice not wavering. "You always will be too…"

Marissa nodded and the three hugged, clinging tightly to each other. I took this as my cue and said, "So we should probably get going…" Marissa pulled back and looked at me, tears in her eyes, and nodded. "I'll see you guys soon…" I said.

Marissa turned to everyone and said, "I love you guys." Then she turned and left. Just like that, she was out of their lives.

When we got into the car and started driving, I finally took her hand in my own. She looked at me and I glanced over at her. She was still crying. "Are you okay?" I asked, not liking to see her upset.

She nodded and can you believe it…smiled. "I'm great…" She said. I give her a weird look as I'm driving and she wipes her eyes with her free hand and says, "I've always wanted to be able to do that…to say goodbye. Everything that night just happened so suddenly…" She trailed off and I stopped at the stoplight and looked at her. "…you never know when it's going to be your turn to leave." She looked at me sadly. We both look at each other for a while and then she says, "Will you do me a favor?"

"What is it?" I ask softly, starting to drive again. We're almost to my house.

"Find someone that you love….and never let her go," she says quietly.

"Don't talk like that," I say, not wanting to find anyone else right now. "I will someday, just, not now."

"Ryan, the sooner the better," She says softly.

"Can we not talk about this?" I ask, and we arrive at my house. I look at the clock, it's now almost five.

I get out of the car and walk to my front door and unlock it. Marissa quickly follows me and says, "I'm not going to be here forever okay?"

"Let's not talk about this…" I say again, a warning.

She doesn't listen though and says, "Ryan…there won't be another me, just like there's not another you or another Seth or another Summer…"

That's my boiling point. I turn around when we're inside, after the door is shut and say, "Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I've tried to find someone?!" I notice that my voice is getting louder, but I don't care at this point. I start pacing and yell, "I learn that lesson every single day of my life! You're not coming back…at least you're not supposed to!" I run a hand through my hair and then continue, "And I was fine…I date…I have a job and a life…but then you come back!" I stare at her intently, but she doesn't flinch, just waits politely for me to finish my rant. "And everything…" I make a gesture with my hand, "It just comes rushing back. All the pain and love and everything that ever happened between us! So I try not to feel it…I try to hide it, but I can't. I just can't anymore Marissa…" I say dejectedly as I drop onto the couch. "I love you…I do…how can you ask me to find someone else?"

She comes and sits next to me and puts her hand on my arm. I feel the shivers and electricity work their way through my body and we stare into each other's eyes. Finally she softly says, "Because I can't stand to watch you be alone Ryan. It hurts me when I see you here, stuck in your house, when I know the person you're meant to marry is out there, waiting for you."

Each word brings her closer to me, literally closer. I feel her breath against my cheek and I gulp, looking into her amazingly gorgeous eyes. I put my hand on the side of her face, rubbing my thumb over it gently, afraid that she'll disappear. I lean in closer, smelling the mint on her breath and lean my forehead against hers. "I'll never find anyone like you…" I start, but she interrupts me.

"I'm not telling you to…"

"Let me finish," I interject. She's quiet and looks at me, waiting. "I'll never find someone like you…" I take in a deep breath and then continue, "But I'll find someone that I can love when I'm ready. It won't be tomorrow or next week or the month after…but I will." I grab her free hand with mine and lace our fingers together. "But until then…I want to enjoy you while I have you…" I lean in and place a small, delicate kiss on her plump lips.

When I pull back, I nuzzle my face against hers and she whispers, "I love you…"

"Thank you," I whisper, and she giggles.

"Now is not the time for jokes," She says softly, bringing our lips together in another sweet kiss.

"I love you too.." I mumble against her lips, and I know I've never meant something more. As we continue to kiss, I run one hand through her hair and unlace our finger so I can feel the side of her face. I deepen the kiss, pulling her face closer to mine, and slowly slip my tongue into her mouth. It feels so amazing to taste her again…to kiss her like this. I can't get enough of her, so I just put more and more passion into the kiss, trying to feed a hunger I didn't know I had. I felt like finally I was being given water after so long and it was the most spectacular thing ever.

We continued to kiss until we couldn't go any longer without air and we both pulled back, breathless, and rested our foreheads against each other. She smiled and I pulled back to trace her lips with my thumb. "Wow," She whispered.

"Yeah…I forgot how fun that was," I say softly, looking into her eyes. I lean in to kiss her again, but she stops me by placing a finger to my lips.

"Before we kiss again…I want to ask you for something," She says, giving me small smile.

"And what would that be?" I ask.

She blushes and looks at me shyly as she says, "Make love to me…like you did that night in the Tiki Hut."

I smile at her and kiss her once more before saying, "I think I can manage that…" As we came together again and again over the next couple of hours on my couch, I remembered the last time that we made love when she had to leave. And just like I did that night, I memorized her whole body so that I could recall it in the future. As we made passionate love, I tried to forget that this wasn't like that night at all. The difference was that before she was just moving….we could still talk. But now…this was our goodbye.

And not for a few hours, but for forever.

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We held each other that night on my couch. We just didn't want to move from our spot, so I just grabbed us a blanket and we wrapped ourselves up in it. Marissa was on top of me and we would stare into each other's eyes or kiss…anything but talk about what morning would bring. We made love a lot too until I was too exhausted to do anything else. Marissa smiled down at me and said, "Go to sleep…you had an early start this morning. It's late."

I shook my head but yawned at the same time. "No…you'll leave me," I say sadly. "I can't have you leave me."

"So you're going to spend the rest of your life awake?" She asked with her eyebrows raised. "I just don't see that happening.."

"I will if it keeps you here," I state firmly. I try my hardest to keep my eyes open.

She shakes her head and laughs softly. "Ryan…you're going to have to say goodbye. It's just a part of life. People die all the time…I mean, look at the obituary. When our time comes, it comes….we can't do anything about it. At least we had this extra day together." She rubs my chest and looks me in the eyes. "Go to sleep…"

She runs one hand through my hair and I feel myself beginning to drift off. No matter how much I fight it, I'm too tired to stay up. With all my remaining strength I say, "I love you…" I struggle to stay awake to finish, "I've always…loved you…I'll always love you. I wish…I wish we could be together…." Then, I finish by saying, "I'll keep my promise." I drift to sleep then, a deep sleep with no dreams.

And when I wake up in the morning, she's gone. I don't know the precise moment she left or exactly where she went, but I know that she's watching me all the time. You'd think I want to cry or be angry…but I'm not. Because seeing Marissa again, it let me say goodbye. Saying goodbye is all I really needed I guess, because when I get up and put my clothes on, I feel good. Seth calls me at around noon and asks if I'm alright. I replied that I was fine, but I didn't feel like talking. As I picked up the blanket from the couch, I see something fall out. It's a letter, like the one I got during Chrismukkah all those years ago. I open it and read it and when I'm done, I feel a peace wash through me.

_Dear Ryan,_

_So you're sleeping right now and I can't bring myself to leave just yet. I know that soon God will be getting mad at me, but I just can't say goodbye. That's the problem you had huh…it's just too hard to say those words. It's just two syllables…it should be a piece of cake, I know. But we all know that when it comes to someone you love, saying goodbye is never going to be easy. It's one of the hardest things we'll ever have to do._

_This day has been amazing. You'll never know how good you have it until it's gone and I learned that all too late. Being with you again is a feeling I never thought I'd get to experience. When I'm with you, my senses are heightened and nothing can ever be ordinary…it's always extraordinary. When I'm with you…when we make love…Ryan, it's the most spectacular thing that anyone can ever do. And while I can say that I've had sex with other guys…you're the only one that I've truly given myself to. Know that my heart belongs to you and to you only…and that no one can ever take it from you. So really, we're not saying goodbye today, we're just not going to see each other for a while. You'll always carry my heart with you, so there's always a piece of me with you._

_I've been so selfish today…I forgot to do my job. You see, I was sent down here for a reason other than to say goodbye. I'm supposed to teach you something too. I told you when I got here that I'd leave when my job was through and since you're asleep now, this is the only way for me to do it. Here's what you're supposed to learn : In life, there will be times when you'll be sad and there will be times when you're happy. Don't let the sad outweigh the happy though because sometimes bad things happen and though we can't change the course of life, but we can go along and try to enjoy the ride._

_So there's my final goodbye. I'll be watching you and someday we'll see each other again. Until then.._

_Love, _

_Marissa_

_P.S. Remember your promise, and congratulate Kaitlin for me will you? Let's just say something really big is going to happen._

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It's been four years since that fateful day when I found the letter and I'm doing great without her.

Seth and Summer had their first child about a year after she left. They're a happily married couple and now they have three kids. Let's just say they've been busy. Every year brings more and more good fortune to them. For a long time I envied them, wishing I could find what they had. Then I remembered that I shouldn't compare myself to them and what do you know, it paid off.

About two years after Marissa left for the second time, I finally met the girl. She is short with black hair and green eyes. We met at a grocery store…I dropped a soda on her foot. She wasn't happy…but I felt Marissa telling me that she was the one. Eventually, after a whole lot of persevering, I got her to go out with me. A year later I proposed and we married. We're expecting our first child.

Chuck proposed to Kaitlin the day after Marissa left. Marissa must have known somehow…must have sensed that her sister was about to take a big step that she'd never be able to take. At their wedding, I could feel Marissa smiling down from heaven. She would've loved to be there.

I still go see Marissa on the first Sunday of every month. Though she's gone, she will never be forgotten. Instead of talking about what used to be, now I talk about my present day life. That's where I am now actually, talking to Marissa. It means so much more now that I know she will listen. "So it's going to be a girl, we still haven't come up with any names. Amy wants it to be named Anna…but we used to know an Anna so it's kind of weird." I stare at the letters on her tombstone, her name, the day she died. "It's still kind of weird to imagine you dead sometimes. I just forget…but then I remember. I'm not dwelling on the past anymore at least." I look at my phone and mumble a curse. "I'm supposed to go meet Amy now…so I'll see you in a month okay?" I lean down and kiss the stone, just like I do every time, and then walk to my car and drive away.

On the drive home, I think about life, and this is what I come up with. Life isn't about the tears we shed, it's about the memories we make. It's not the number of times we've cried, it's the number that we laugh. It's not about the people we lose along the road of life, it's about the people we meet and change us. Each individual person that we meet will teach us something that changes us. Marissa taught me so many things…how to love, how to lose, how to love again after loss. But most of all, she taught me how to say goodbye. And to me, that's the most important thing anyone can ever learn. Because saying goodbye doesn't always mean you're leaving someone forever, it can merely mean see you soon. That to me is the most wonderful thing I've ever learned, because now…I don't have to wish for one more day, I know that soon enough, all of us will be reunited again.


End file.
